If you struggle with your body or self-image, you probably have some negative self-talk going on. You might have thoughts about yourself that reaffirm that negative self-image. This sometimes makes it difficult during “down time,” when those thoughts that you might otherwise be able to escape with distraction creep in and can be unavoidable. How can you turn the tide on years of self-abuse?
Think of how you treat yourself. Would you tolerate a friend treating you that way? Would you let someone tear you down and call you names? If you have appropriate boundaries with others, you shouldn’t. So why is it acceptable to treat yourself this way? Why do we have different standards for how we treat ourselves and how we treat others? Of course it is not fun to be alone with yourself if you are just plain mean to yourself – it would be like having to spend time with a nasty friend that you can’t get to leave.
One way to start moving from negative self-talk to positive self-talk is through affirmations. Try to figure out what you are telling yourself during the negative self-talk – maybe even start journaling the thoughts that go through your head while you are changing clothes, weighing yourself, or interacting with your body during some other triggering event. The first step is always recognizing that it is going on, and accepting it for what it is. Then, try to flip that negative statement into a positive statement.
One example might be “I am not pretty enough.” This would be a statement that you believe now. You could transform this into a statement that you would like to believe in the future, but may not fully believe now. Such a positive statement might be “Some people think that I am pretty,” and in the future that might become “People see my beauty inside and out.”
If you really struggle to find any positive statement that you feel you could believe in the future, you might choose an appreciation for that part of your body – i.e. be thankful for your legs that allow you to get where you need to go, or a neutral statement – i.e. “I have brown hair,” that is neither negative nor positive, and then move towards positive once you can accept the neutral.
While this seems fairly straight-forward, it does require some repetition. Think of how many times you might have told yourself that negative message – now you need to counteract that by pounding that positive message into your head instead – the key is repetition over time. You might put your affirmations onto an index card and post it in your closet where you get dressed each morning, or on a mirror where you a likely to be critical about your reflection. Some of my clients have recommended the “Think Up” app, which you can use to record your affirmations in your own voice to play back over and over again.
If you struggle particularly in front of the mirror, you might consider covering your mirrors for the time being. If you need your mirror do your hair, for example, you might cover up the rest of the mirror so you can’t see your body, but only your hair. Or, if the mirror is not needed, you might consider getting rid of it for the time being. When you feel that you can catch your negative thoughts and change them into positive thoughts, you can reclaim your mirror.
Also, if you find that you are weighing yourself frequently, and that you are unhappy at the result, that you may consider getting rid of your scale. Sometimes the fixation on a single number can be problematic, and not knowing can alleviate some anxiety. If you do decide to continue weighing yourself, don’t do it more than weekly. If you know that knowing the number stresses you out, you can also request that your doctor not discuss your weight number with you at appointments.
In addition, check your closet. Do you have enough clothes that fit you right now and make you feel good when you wear them? Consider getting rid of your clothes that are too small, or at least getting them out of your closet for now if you can’t bear to part with them. You might even consider trading in your too-small clothes for new ones at a thrift shop such as Clothes Mentor or Plato’s Closet. Putting on clothes that don’t fit can trigger negative self-talk that can be troublesome and can be avoided by wearing clothes that you feel good in.
In short, many of us have negative self-talk that we can choose to transform into positive self-talk. Keep track of negative statements, and turn them into neutral or positive statements that you would like to believe. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Be your own best cheerleader, and watch your self-confidence soar.